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2005-2009

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What To Do If You Are Being Stalked
Computer: (If you know the stalker has technical computer skills, do ALL of these)

  • Password protect your system (you can do this through your Windows control panel.)
  • If you have a DSL or cable connection, do not leave your modem on.  Disconnect it when you are
    not using your computer.
  • Install a VERY GOOD firewall and spyware detector, and do weekly scans.  The "best" varies year
    to year, so research what is recommended right now.
  • Backup all your documents and format your computer.  This will clear out anything that may have
    been installed without your authorization. (You may have to do this regularly.)

Internet:  If you are being stalked or harassed on the Internet, click here for more information on what you
can do.
Stalker Types
and Patterns

What You Can
Do if You Are
Being Stalked
Recommended:
Recommended:
Phone:

  • Use caller ID to screen, and block unwanted calls or text messages.
  • Set up a Privacy Manager option to screen out anonymous callers.   Privacy Manager directs
    anonymous callers to a phone center where they have to identify themselves before their call will
    be sent through to you.  
  • If the stalker keeps calling, call the phone company and report it.   Ask them to change your
    phone number and keep the new one unlisted.  Only give the new number to people you know
    you can trust.   
    New info:   The Seattle Police Department’s Domestic Violence Unit has found that when
    stalking victims disconnect a phone number, virtually 100 percent of the stalkers escalate their
    contact to in-person stalking. The Seattle Police now advise victims to get a new phone number
    but keep their old phone line active and connected to an answering machine to capture any
    possible evidence.
Get the message across

Communicate to the stalker that their attention is unwelcome.  If you do this yourself, do it once, and
only once.  Better yet, have someone else do it for you.   From then on, sever all contact  with the
perpetrator as long as they are stalking you.  Forcing contact is one of the goals of stalking, and you will
simply be reinforcing the behavior if you communicate directly with her/him.  

Do not try to reason with a stalker, it won't work.  Don't lash out or retaliate--the stalker wants your
attention, whether positive or negative, so you will just be giving him or her what they want..  

Next, focus on protecting yourself, documenting the stalking, and getting help, if you need it.  

Ways to Protect Yourself

There is no end to the ways stalkers track and harass their targets, and the intensity and duration can
vary.  Also, one of the problems is that stalkers will use sites like this to find out ways to stalk, and ways
they are being blocked.  

Below are suggestions on ways to protect yourself based on the most common forms of stalking.  Apply
them as they fit your situation.  For ways to get more information, see below.   

If you suspect that the stalking may be a threat to your physical safety, click here for the National Center
for the Victims of Crime safety plan measures.

General Safety Tips

  • Change your patterns--don't do everything at the same time each day if possible, don't go to the
    same places all the time....
  • Let your friends, family, and neighbors know you are being stalked.  Circulate a picture and
    physical description of the stalker.
  • Protect your personal information (bank account information, private records) by using a safe for
    documents, and a shredder for discarded documents.
  • Install dead bolt locks (ask your local locksmith what is the best) and hide all keys.   Non-
    pickable locks, and restricted locks are expensive, but if you have the money, it may be worth the
    investment.   If you have the funds, install an alarm/security system.
  • Be very careful who you give your address, phone number, and email address to.  You may want
    to set up a post-office box for certain types of mail.  Only give your phone number and primary
    email address to people you trust.  Set up alternate email accounts for strangers.  
If you are receiving unwanted text messages, emails, or posts at Internet
forums or your blog...

...be sure that these are not SPAM messages, or "spoofed" messages--spam meant to look like
messages coming from you or someone you know.   Many people are getting spammed
nowadays and they think it's a stalker doing it.  

And spam is often composed to masquerade as sounding like it is coming from real people, even
people you know.

Please be aware  that spammers can use your own email and message accounts to spam you
and others.   To do this, they can get information from sites where you have registered, they can
hack your email and text accounts for your addresses....   Also, computer viruses can be
programmed to send out messages to people in the computer owner's contact list.

Spambots register at forums and post at them, even replying to threads.  They can leave
comments at blogs.  (One founder of an anti-stalking group was being spammed with porn links
at a forum, and she was convinced it was her stalker harassing her.)

One tell-tale sign that you are being spammed is your receiving many, many  messages in a short
period of time.

Spam isn't stalking, but it IS Internet and telecommunications abuse.

Before you accuse someone of stalking you via e-mail, text message, or Internet, contact your
provider, the forum administrator, or your phone company for help with ruling out spam as the
culprit.
Document

Document every incident of harassment.  You will be tempted to ignore the behavior, telling yourself it
will stop eventually.  However, in most cases, the stalking continues.   So, keep a log of what is
happening.  

Document each incident, including dates, times, names of witnesses, etc.   Save e-mails to a disc and
keep it at home.  Do not throw away any mail or email that is related to the harassment, even if the mail
is anonymous.   Do not throw away any gifts that the stalker sends you.  Save answering machine
messages.  If it is legal in your state, try to tape record any phone calls.   Take pictures of any property
damage.  Video tape and/or photograph stalking behavior (camera phones can be a great tool for
documenting stalking).  

Report every incident of harassment to the police.  While the legislation in many states does not allow
for police intervention unless the stalking behavior contains threats or involves attacks, police reports
are an official form of documentation and could strengthen a case later on if the stalking escalates or
becomes more extreme.   Even if the stalker's behavior in your situation does not involve specific threats,
contact the police and file a report.  (And they HAVE to give you an incident number, even if you can't
prove who engaged in the behavior you are calling them about.)

You might also try the FBI office in your area as the Federal Interstate Stalking and Prevention Act, 18
U.S.C. Section 2261A, was amended in 2000 to cover stalking by phone and mail, and the Internet.  

Stalking By A Work Or School Employee

Document your work and/or school performance. Keep copies of performance evaluations and memos
that attest to the quality of your work. Save papers and exams that have comments by your professors.
Ask for written recommendations from your teachers that you can keep on file for later. The stalker may
question your work or school performance in order to justify their behavior.

Document any negative actions that you experience because of your refusal to submit to the stalkers
demands or attentions--for example, if you are given a poor evaluation, a demotion, or low grade
because of your rejecting the stalker.

If possible, find others who have had similar experiences as you have had with the stalker, or within the
environment where the harassment is occurring.  


Formal Complaints

What you can do to confront stalking usually varies from state to state.  In some states, you can file a
complaint under the state statute, but only if your stalker has threatened you with physical harm.  In
others, the statutes mandate that less extreme acts of harassment are sufficient  for a  restraining order
or police arrest.  Obtain a copy of your state's stalking statute in order to gain a clear understanding of
what conduct constitutes an offense under the statute.

If you are being stalked by someone from your workplace or school, the institution's grievance channels
may be appropriate for confronting the situation.

Formal Complaints at School or Work

Begin with the available grievance channels:  In the workplace, the Human Resources department is
usually responsible for dealing with sexual harassment complaints, at least initially, so this may be the
place to begin if you are being stalked by another employee at work.  At school, stalking will be in the
"domain" of any number of departments:  campus security, affirmative action office, ombudsman,
student affairs office, dean of students, etc.   Call your dean of students office to find out the proper
channels for stalking at your school.  But be aware that the primary goal of any  department you consult
will be to protect the school or business from liability--ethics are not likely to guide their decisions, nor
will they be likely to guide many of the people involved in your situation.   In many cases, complainants
are treated like "the enemy."

Keep notes of meetings and phone conferences:  Be sure to keep detailed notes of every meeting you
have regarding the stalking, including dates, names of participants, and the meeting results.  If possible,
you might want to tape record the meetings, or bring an advocate or friend so you have a witness to what
transpired.  It is also a good idea to send written summaries of the results to the attendees after each
meeting.  (It shows them you are keeping on top of things.)  

Document retaliation:  Retaliation for complaining about stalking is also illegal.  Document any
instances you experience just as you would the harassment.  It is likely that the majority of the hostility
comes from colleagues of the harasser, but this does not change the legality.  All retaliation is unlawful
regardless of who is doing it.  

Stay composed:  This is very, very important.  Remain calm and professional during the entire process.  
Your demeanor and psychological state will be under scrutiny, and everyone involved will be questioning
your motives.  Save your emotions for a private counselor's office, family, or friends outside the
harassment environment.

Consult with a legal advocate:  Consulting with an experienced advocate early on can help you avoid
making mistakes in the process, particularly if you are being harassed by a superior (for example, your
employer, supervisor, or a teacher).   Also, keep the consultation confidential.  Getting legal advise does
not mean you plan to sue anyone, but those around you may over-react if they know you are talking to
legal professionals about the situation.  (We have heard reports of people being fired when their
employers learned a lawyer had been consulted.)

If you have exhausted all the avenues and the problem continues or worsens, we recommend you
contact a lawyer (if you have not done so already).  If you are thinking of taking legal action, it is best for
you to not leave school or your job without consulting a lawyer first.   Note:  institutions, particularly
universities, have been known to drag out investigations so that too much time passes for the victim to
file a lawsuit later on--there is usually a 1 year statute of limitations on cases.  If you suspect this is
happening, go ahead and consult a lawyer now.


How Do I File a Complaint Under My State's Stalking Statute?

The National Center for the Victims of Crime Protocol (reprinted with permission)

To file a complaint that will trigger an arrest and prosecution, it must be accompanied with sufficient
evidence to establish "probable cause" that the stalker engaged in conduct that is illegal under the
state's stalking statute. If law enforcement officials do not witness such conduct first-hand, it is often up
to the victim to provide them with the evidence necessary to establish probable cause.

Again, victims would be well-advised to obtain a copy of their state's stalking statute in order to gain a
clear understanding of what conduct constitutes an offense under the statute. While most state stalking
statutes are written in laymen's terms, the exact meaning of those terms is not always clear. Victims may
wish to consult with law enforcement officials, prosecutors, or a private attorney for an explanation and
interpretation of the specific stalking statute in question.

In other words, stalking victims are often put in a position of having to first prove their case to a law
enforcement official before being afforded the opportunity to prove their case before a court of law. It is for
this reason that it is crucial for stalking victims to document every stalking incident as thoroughly as
possible, including collecting and keeping any videotapes, audiotapes, phone answering machine
messages, photos of the stalker or property damage, letters sent, objects left, affidavits from eye
witnesses, notes, etc. Experts also recommend that victims keep a journal to document all contacts and
incidents, along with the time, date and other relevant in-formation. (See, the NCVC "Stalking: Safety
Plan Guidelines," for more information concerning evidence and safety strategies.)

Regardless of whether or not they have sufficient evidence to prove a stalking violation, victims wishing
to file a stalking complaint with law enforcement officials should do so at the earliest possible point in
time. In some cases, victims may also be able to file a complaint in the jurisdiction where the offender
resides, if it is different from the victim's.

If law enforcement officials refuse to investigate, or if they are not responsive to a complaint filed, victims
may always directly approach their local prosecutor (also known in various jurisdictions as, the district
attorney, state's attorney, commonwealth's attorney or state solicitor).

It is also recommended that any person who suspects or believes that they are currently being stalked
should immediately seek the advice and assistance of local victim specialists in developing a
personalized safety plan or action plan. Victim specialists can be found at local domestic violence or
rape crisis programs -- which should be listed under "Community Services Numbers" or "Emergency
Assistance Numbers" in the front section of the local phone book -- or in victim assistance programs
located in most local prosecutors' offices and in some law enforcement agencies -- which should be
listed under "Local, City or County Government" in the Blue Pages of the local phone book.


Some of the above information is adapted from articles from: Stalking Behavior, The NCCV Stalking
Resource Center, and Project Safety Net
A support community for anyone who has experienced sexual harassment.
For more information on ways to protect yourself, contact the
National Network to End Domestic Violence: Project Safety
Net.  They have a free advise hotline, free literature and a free
DVD focusing on ways to use technology against stalkers,
and ways to protect yourself if a stalker is using technology to
track you. It's a great program!  (Even if the person stalking
you is not a former intimate partner, the NNEDV Project
Safety Net can help you.)