| Sexual Harassment Support |
Support and information for anyone who has experienced sexual harassment.
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What To Do If You Are Being Stalked
Get the message across
Communicate to the stalker that their attention is unwelcome, but do not do this yourself. In fact, do
not have any direct contact with the perpetrator as long as they are stalking you. Forcing contact is one
of the goals of stalking, and you will simply be reinforcing the behavior if you communicate directly with
her/him. Have someone else communicate your feelings for you. Have a friend, a teacher, supervisor,
dean, or someone else that you trust talk to the stalker.
Important note: Schools and some companies are now requiring immediate intervention if they
learn there is harassment occurring. If you are a student being stalked by a teacher, professor, or
other employee at your school, any school employee you speak to about the harassment is required by
law to report the behavior to the administration. This is also becoming policy at some companies--if
you are being harassed by another employee, check your company sexual harassment policy before
talking to a supervisor as they may be obligated to report the harassment to the higher-ups. If your
situation reflects either of these, it's best to be careful who you talk to, or be sure of the timing, otherwise
you may end up in a formal investigation without wanting to be, or before you are ready.
Be Safe
If you suspect that the stalking may be a threat to your physical safety, click here for the National Center
for the Victims of Crime safety plan measures.
Document
Document every incident of harassment: You will be tempted to ignore the behavior, telling yourself it
will stop eventually. However, in most cases, the stalking continues. So, keep a log of what is
happening, particularly if the perpetrator is a teacher, professor, or supervisor. Document each incident,
including dates, times, names of witnesses, etc. Save e-mails to a disc and keep it at home. Do not
throw away any mail or email that is related to the harassment, even if the mail is anonymous. Do not
throw away any gifts that the stalker sends you. Save answering machine messages. If it is legal in
your state, try to tape record any phone calls. Take pictures of any property damage. Video tape and/or
photograph stalking behavior (camera phones can be a great tool for documenting stalking).
Police reports can also be great sources of documentation. While the legislation in many states does
not allow for police intervention unless the stalking behavior contains threats or involves attacks, police
reports are an official form of documentation and could strengthen a case later on. Even if the stalker's
behavior in your situation is not directly threatening, see if you can file a police report anyway.
Stalking By A Work Or School Employee
Document your work and/or school performance. Keep copies of performance evaluations and
memos that attest to the quality of your work. Save papers and exams that have comments by your
professors. Ask for written recommendations from your teachers that you can keep on file for later. The
stalker may question your work or school performance in order to justify their behavior.
Document negative actions: Document any negative actions that you experience because of your
refusal to submit to the stalkers demands or attentions--for example, if you are given a poor evaluation,
a demotion, or low grade because of your rejecting the stalker.
Power in numbers: If possible, find others who have had similar experiences as you have had with the
stalker, or within the environment where the harassment is occurring.
Cyberstalking
Click here for the NCVC protocol on protecting yourself from cyberstalking.
Formal Complaints
What you can do to confront stalking usually varies from state to state. In some states, you can file a
complaint under the state statute, but only if your stalker has threatened you with physical harm. In
others, the statutes mandate that less extreme acts of harassment are sufficient for a restraining order
or police arrest. Obtain a copy of your state's stalking statute in order to gain a clear understanding of
what conduct constitutes an offense under the statute.
If you are being stalked by someone from your workplace or school, and the stalking is such that you
cannot file under your state statute, you can use the formal channels for grievances provided by the
institution.
Formal Complaints at School or Work
Begin with the available grievance channels: In the workplace, the Human Resources department is
usually responsible for dealing with sexual harassment complaints, at least initially, so this may be the
place to begin if you are being stalked by another employee at work. At school, stalking will be in the
"domain" of any number of departments: campus security, affirmative action office, ombudsman,
student affairs office, dean of students, etc. Call your dean of students office to find out the proper
channels for stalking at your school. But be aware that the primary goal of any department you consult
will be to protect the school or business from liability--ethics are not likely to guide their decisions, nor
will they be likely to guide many of the people involved in your situation. In many cases, complainants
are treated like "the enemy."
Keep notes of meetings and phone conferences: Be sure to keep detailed notes of every meeting you
have regarding the stalking, including dates, names of participants, and the meeting results. If
possible, you might want to tape record the meetings, or bring an advocate or friend so you have a
witness to what transpired. It is also a good idea to send written summaries of the results to the
attendees after each meeting. (It shows them you are keeping on top of things.)
Document retaliation: Retaliation for complaining about stalking is also illegal. Document any
instances you experience just as you would the harassment. It is likely that the majority of the hostility
comes from colleagues of the harasser, but this does not change the legality. All retaliation is unlawful
regardless of who is doing it.
Stay composed: Most importantly, remain calm and professional during the entire process as your
demeanor and psychological state will be under scrutiny. Save your anger for a private counselor's
office.
If you have exhausted all the avenues and the problem continues or worsens, we recommend you
contact a lawyer (if you have not done so already). If you are thinking of taking legal action, it is best for
you to not leave school or your job without consulting a lawyer first. Note: institutions, particularly
universities, have been known to drag out investigations so that too much time passes for the victim to
file a lawsuit later on--there is usually a 1 year statute of limitations on cases. If you suspect this is
happening, go ahead and consult a lawyer now.
Note on workplace harassment: In most cases, you must file with the EEOC, first, before you can take
any independent legal action. The EEOC will only rule on cases where the harassment occurred within
the last year, so the incidents will have to be relatively recent. Do not leave your job if you are thinking
about filing a formal complaint with the EEOC, as this will weaken your case.
Note on school harassment: Recent changes to Title IX hold academic institutions more liable for
protecting harassment complainants from retaliation. Also, your identity must be kept confidential
except where necessary for investigative purposes. Know your rights in this process ahead of time. If
the institutional grievance channels do not clear up the situation, besides contacting a lawyer, contact
the U.S. Department of Education's Office of Civil Rights.
How Do I File a Complaint Under My State's Stalking Statute?
The National Center for the Victims of Crime Protocol (reprinted with permission)
To file a complaint that will trigger an arrest and prosecution, it must be accompanied with sufficient
evidence to establish "probable cause" that the stalker engaged in conduct that is illegal under the
state's stalking statute. If law enforcement officials do not witness such conduct first-hand, it is often up
to the victim to provide them with the evidence necessary to establish probable cause.
Again, victims would be well-advised to obtain a copy of their state's stalking statute in order to gain a
clear understanding of what conduct constitutes an offense under the statute. While most state stalking
statutes are written in laymen's terms, the exact meaning of those terms is not always clear. Victims
may wish to consult with law enforcement officials, prosecutors, or a private attorney for an explanation
and interpretation of the specific stalking statute in question.
In other words, stalking victims are often put in a position of having to first prove their case to a law
enforcement official before being afforded the opportunity to prove their case before a court of law. It is
for this reason that it is crucial for stalking victims to document every stalking incident as thoroughly as
possible, including collecting and keeping any videotapes, audiotapes, phone answering machine
messages, photos of the stalker or property damage, letters sent, objects left, affidavits from eye
witnesses, notes, etc. Experts also recommend that victims keep a journal to document all contacts and
incidents, along with the time, date and other relevant in-formation. (See, the NCVC "Stalking: Safety
Plan Guidelines," for more information concerning evidence and safety strategies.)
Regardless of whether or not they have sufficient evidence to prove a stalking violation, victims wishing
to file a stalking complaint with law enforcement officials should do so at the earliest possible point in
time. In some cases, victims may also be able to file a complaint in the jurisdiction where the offender
resides, if it is different from the victim's.
If law enforcement officials refuse to investigate, or if they are not responsive to a complaint filed, victims
may always directly approach their local prosecutor (also known in various jurisdictions as, the district
attorney, state's attorney, commonwealth's attorney or state solicitor).
It is also recommended that any person who suspects or believes that they are currently being stalked
should immediately seek the advice and assistance of local victim specialists in developing a
personalized safety plan or action plan. Victim specialists can be found at local domestic violence or
rape crisis programs -- which should be listed under "Community Services Numbers" or "Emergency
Assistance Numbers" in the front section of the local phone book -- or in victim assistance programs
located in most local prosecutors' offices and in some law enforcement agencies -- which should be
listed under "Local, City or County Government" in the Blue Pages of the local phone book.
Communicate to the stalker that their attention is unwelcome, but do not do this yourself. In fact, do
not have any direct contact with the perpetrator as long as they are stalking you. Forcing contact is one
of the goals of stalking, and you will simply be reinforcing the behavior if you communicate directly with
her/him. Have someone else communicate your feelings for you. Have a friend, a teacher, supervisor,
dean, or someone else that you trust talk to the stalker.
Important note: Schools and some companies are now requiring immediate intervention if they
learn there is harassment occurring. If you are a student being stalked by a teacher, professor, or
other employee at your school, any school employee you speak to about the harassment is required by
law to report the behavior to the administration. This is also becoming policy at some companies--if
you are being harassed by another employee, check your company sexual harassment policy before
talking to a supervisor as they may be obligated to report the harassment to the higher-ups. If your
situation reflects either of these, it's best to be careful who you talk to, or be sure of the timing, otherwise
you may end up in a formal investigation without wanting to be, or before you are ready.
Be Safe
If you suspect that the stalking may be a threat to your physical safety, click here for the National Center
for the Victims of Crime safety plan measures.
Document
Document every incident of harassment: You will be tempted to ignore the behavior, telling yourself it
will stop eventually. However, in most cases, the stalking continues. So, keep a log of what is
happening, particularly if the perpetrator is a teacher, professor, or supervisor. Document each incident,
including dates, times, names of witnesses, etc. Save e-mails to a disc and keep it at home. Do not
throw away any mail or email that is related to the harassment, even if the mail is anonymous. Do not
throw away any gifts that the stalker sends you. Save answering machine messages. If it is legal in
your state, try to tape record any phone calls. Take pictures of any property damage. Video tape and/or
photograph stalking behavior (camera phones can be a great tool for documenting stalking).
Police reports can also be great sources of documentation. While the legislation in many states does
not allow for police intervention unless the stalking behavior contains threats or involves attacks, police
reports are an official form of documentation and could strengthen a case later on. Even if the stalker's
behavior in your situation is not directly threatening, see if you can file a police report anyway.
Stalking By A Work Or School Employee
Document your work and/or school performance. Keep copies of performance evaluations and
memos that attest to the quality of your work. Save papers and exams that have comments by your
professors. Ask for written recommendations from your teachers that you can keep on file for later. The
stalker may question your work or school performance in order to justify their behavior.
Document negative actions: Document any negative actions that you experience because of your
refusal to submit to the stalkers demands or attentions--for example, if you are given a poor evaluation,
a demotion, or low grade because of your rejecting the stalker.
Power in numbers: If possible, find others who have had similar experiences as you have had with the
stalker, or within the environment where the harassment is occurring.
Cyberstalking
Click here for the NCVC protocol on protecting yourself from cyberstalking.
Formal Complaints
What you can do to confront stalking usually varies from state to state. In some states, you can file a
complaint under the state statute, but only if your stalker has threatened you with physical harm. In
others, the statutes mandate that less extreme acts of harassment are sufficient for a restraining order
or police arrest. Obtain a copy of your state's stalking statute in order to gain a clear understanding of
what conduct constitutes an offense under the statute.
If you are being stalked by someone from your workplace or school, and the stalking is such that you
cannot file under your state statute, you can use the formal channels for grievances provided by the
institution.
Formal Complaints at School or Work
Begin with the available grievance channels: In the workplace, the Human Resources department is
usually responsible for dealing with sexual harassment complaints, at least initially, so this may be the
place to begin if you are being stalked by another employee at work. At school, stalking will be in the
"domain" of any number of departments: campus security, affirmative action office, ombudsman,
student affairs office, dean of students, etc. Call your dean of students office to find out the proper
channels for stalking at your school. But be aware that the primary goal of any department you consult
will be to protect the school or business from liability--ethics are not likely to guide their decisions, nor
will they be likely to guide many of the people involved in your situation. In many cases, complainants
are treated like "the enemy."
Keep notes of meetings and phone conferences: Be sure to keep detailed notes of every meeting you
have regarding the stalking, including dates, names of participants, and the meeting results. If
possible, you might want to tape record the meetings, or bring an advocate or friend so you have a
witness to what transpired. It is also a good idea to send written summaries of the results to the
attendees after each meeting. (It shows them you are keeping on top of things.)
Document retaliation: Retaliation for complaining about stalking is also illegal. Document any
instances you experience just as you would the harassment. It is likely that the majority of the hostility
comes from colleagues of the harasser, but this does not change the legality. All retaliation is unlawful
regardless of who is doing it.
Stay composed: Most importantly, remain calm and professional during the entire process as your
demeanor and psychological state will be under scrutiny. Save your anger for a private counselor's
office.
If you have exhausted all the avenues and the problem continues or worsens, we recommend you
contact a lawyer (if you have not done so already). If you are thinking of taking legal action, it is best for
you to not leave school or your job without consulting a lawyer first. Note: institutions, particularly
universities, have been known to drag out investigations so that too much time passes for the victim to
file a lawsuit later on--there is usually a 1 year statute of limitations on cases. If you suspect this is
happening, go ahead and consult a lawyer now.
Note on workplace harassment: In most cases, you must file with the EEOC, first, before you can take
any independent legal action. The EEOC will only rule on cases where the harassment occurred within
the last year, so the incidents will have to be relatively recent. Do not leave your job if you are thinking
about filing a formal complaint with the EEOC, as this will weaken your case.
Note on school harassment: Recent changes to Title IX hold academic institutions more liable for
protecting harassment complainants from retaliation. Also, your identity must be kept confidential
except where necessary for investigative purposes. Know your rights in this process ahead of time. If
the institutional grievance channels do not clear up the situation, besides contacting a lawyer, contact
the U.S. Department of Education's Office of Civil Rights.
How Do I File a Complaint Under My State's Stalking Statute?
The National Center for the Victims of Crime Protocol (reprinted with permission)
To file a complaint that will trigger an arrest and prosecution, it must be accompanied with sufficient
evidence to establish "probable cause" that the stalker engaged in conduct that is illegal under the
state's stalking statute. If law enforcement officials do not witness such conduct first-hand, it is often up
to the victim to provide them with the evidence necessary to establish probable cause.
Again, victims would be well-advised to obtain a copy of their state's stalking statute in order to gain a
clear understanding of what conduct constitutes an offense under the statute. While most state stalking
statutes are written in laymen's terms, the exact meaning of those terms is not always clear. Victims
may wish to consult with law enforcement officials, prosecutors, or a private attorney for an explanation
and interpretation of the specific stalking statute in question.
In other words, stalking victims are often put in a position of having to first prove their case to a law
enforcement official before being afforded the opportunity to prove their case before a court of law. It is
for this reason that it is crucial for stalking victims to document every stalking incident as thoroughly as
possible, including collecting and keeping any videotapes, audiotapes, phone answering machine
messages, photos of the stalker or property damage, letters sent, objects left, affidavits from eye
witnesses, notes, etc. Experts also recommend that victims keep a journal to document all contacts and
incidents, along with the time, date and other relevant in-formation. (See, the NCVC "Stalking: Safety
Plan Guidelines," for more information concerning evidence and safety strategies.)
Regardless of whether or not they have sufficient evidence to prove a stalking violation, victims wishing
to file a stalking complaint with law enforcement officials should do so at the earliest possible point in
time. In some cases, victims may also be able to file a complaint in the jurisdiction where the offender
resides, if it is different from the victim's.
If law enforcement officials refuse to investigate, or if they are not responsive to a complaint filed, victims
may always directly approach their local prosecutor (also known in various jurisdictions as, the district
attorney, state's attorney, commonwealth's attorney or state solicitor).
It is also recommended that any person who suspects or believes that they are currently being stalked
should immediately seek the advice and assistance of local victim specialists in developing a
personalized safety plan or action plan. Victim specialists can be found at local domestic violence or
rape crisis programs -- which should be listed under "Community Services Numbers" or "Emergency
Assistance Numbers" in the front section of the local phone book -- or in victim assistance programs
located in most local prosecutors' offices and in some law enforcement agencies -- which should be
listed under "Local, City or County Government" in the Blue Pages of the local phone book.
Recommended:
| Stalking Crimes and Victim Protection |
| Surviving a Stalker |
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